"We may be left-handed....
but our jokes are all right"
Conversation over dinner:
A husband asks his wife, "Honey, if I died, would you
"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all
"If I died and you remarried," the husband asks, "would he live
in this house?"
"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want
it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess he would."
"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house," the
husband asks, "would he sleep in our bed?"
"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2000. It's going to
last a long time, so I guess he would."
"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house and
slept in our bed, would he use my golf clubs?"
"Oh, no!" the wife replies. "He's left-handed!"
Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after
a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided
to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing
all night and everything was beautiful. His grandmother
"doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know
God painted this just for you?"
Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left handed."
This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him,
"What makes you say God did this with his left hand?".
"Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School last week that
Jesus sits on God's right hand!"
Blind Tom of the Wild Left-Handed Monkey Boys.
Blind Tom of the Wild Left-Handed Monkey Boys, who?
What, how many Blind Tom of the Wild Left-Handed Monkey Boys do you
A guy invented a left-handed hammer. Didn't Sell. No left-handed
It was during the days of Indo-Soviet friendship,
and travel from one country to the other was regular. Pande, a
Government bureacrat, was promoted for being a Brahmin close to
Nehru, and was flying from Moscow to Delhi after completing some
Government work in Moscow. To his surprise, sitting right beside
him was Gary Kasporov, the world Chess Champion. Pande had always
been in awe of Chess players, and immediately started a
conversation with Gary.
Kasparov: "How would you like to play me for 500 Rs. ?"
Pande: "But you are too good - you will beat me and I will lose my
Gary: "How about if I play left-handed"?
"Then I might have a chance," thought Pande and he accepted the
Kasparov checkmated our Panditji in 4 moves.
Pande was still scratching his head as he left the airplane. Upon
reaching Mathura, Pande told Panda about the game he had with
Panda: "*Tu bhi pura buddhu hai, Pande*". (You're an absolute fool,
Pande: "*Kyon*" (Why)?
Panda: "*Are Chootiya! Gary Kasparov Left-handed hai!*". (You
Stupid! Gary Kasparov IS a lefty, no wonder he beat you left
The Left-Handed Whopper:
Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today
announcing the introduction of a new item to their menu: a
"Left-Handed Whopper" specially designed for the 32 million
left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new
whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper
(lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.). However, the left-handed
whopper had "all condiments rotated 180 degrees, thereby
redistributing the weight of the sandwich so that the bulk of the
condiments will skew to the left, thereby reducing the amount of
lettuce and other toppings from spilling out the right side of the
Jim Watkins, senior vice president for marketing at Burger King,
was quoted as saying that the new sandwich was the "ultimate 'HAVE
IT YOUR WAY' for our left-handed customers." The advertisement then
noted that the left-handed Whopper would initially only be
available in the United States, but that the company was
"considering plans to roll it out to other countries with large
left-handed populations." The following day Burger King issued a
follow-up release revealing that although the Left-Handed Whopper
was a hoax, thousands of customers had gone into restaurants to
request the new sandwich. Simultaneously, according to the press
release, "many others requested their own 'right handed'
Writing the Batman Comics
Next time you look through your favourite comic, spare a thought
for the people who write the stories and draw the pictures - they
could well be left-handed like you! Because our artistic side is
supposed to be more developed than right handers, it is very common
for writers and artists to be left-handed, and what could be better
than to see your own work in your favourite comic?
||That's what happened to Batman writer Alan Grant, who spent
most of his spare time as a child reading about his comic book
heroes. Often this was because he wanted to forget about his
unhappy school life, where he had the 'Headmaster from Hell' who
got really angry when Alan tried to write with his left hand. He
remembers, 'when I went to primary school, writing with the left
hand was taboo and I was belted on my left hand until I couldn't
|The headmaster sent for my parents who were given
instructions to withhold my meals until I managed to write with my
right hand'. But Alan has never been able to write right handed and
feels that his troubled childhood, during which he read comics like
the Beano, Oor Willie and Batman to escape the real world, helped
him get where he is today. Now he's had the last laugh - he earns
so much money he brought himself a castle!
But Alan warns that writing comics isn't an easy profession to get
into. He says 'The main quality you need is perseverance. Never
allow yourself to be put off by rejection' Wise words from a very
Although we know that being left-handed is a
serious matter, we do like nice jokes about left-handedness.
If you are left-handed yourself and don't find it
amusing to be seen as clumsy or awkward in a right-handed world,
then click here
to see our full range of products specially adapted for
We are hunting for cartoons and jokes with a
left-handed theme, so if you know any please email us to firstname.lastname@example.org
A lot of cartoon characters have been drawn as
being left-handed. Bart Simpson and Homer (sometimes) are among
them. Keep a lookout and let us know of any others you see and we
will try to get pictures to put on the web site.